Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Merry Happy Celebratory Season

I will not get offended if you say, "Merry Christmas!"

I will not get offended if you say, "Happy Holidays!"

I will not get offended if you say, "Happy Kwanzaa!"

I will not get offended if you say, "Happy Hanukkah!"

I will not get offended if you say, "Merry Winter Solstice!"

I will not get offended if you say, "Merry Christmahaunukwanzaa!"

I will not get offended if you say, "Happy Festivus!"

I will rejoice in your greeting. I will appreciate your thoughtfulness. I will embrace your joy.

Monday, December 8, 2014

Does Social Media Bring You Down?

Recently, my light bulb went off.

Sure, it's still rather dim, but it sparked a small light nonetheless!

I admit to having a bit of a facebook addiction. I resolved quite some time ago to limit my posts to light, happy tones and (hopefully) nothing offensive.

That being said, the downside would be that I can't limit anyone else's content.

I have a few very close friends and family members who use facebook as a political or socioeconomic platform. Others who use it to "bash" religions and various lifestyle choices outside their own. Neither of these things appeal to me since I look to facebook as an outlet for socializing, which I prefer to keep in a positive light.

I don't mind the occasional political or religious discussion, but social media is not the correct place to have it in my honest opinion. I prefer to discuss these things in person, where physical and verbal expression are better understood. There is far too much "margin for error" in typing--you can't always gauge the emotion behind it.

Anyway, what I can't tolerate well is DRAMA. Not debate, but DRAMA. The made-up melodramatic tall-tales that are posted. I don't like someone telling me about their issues with an individual only to see them go online and post how fantastic the "problem" person is. I don't like the family members who are distant, inconsiderate and rude to my face who go online and discuss myself and my children as though we are closely tied loved ones. I don't like people who steal the precious photos I share and re-post them on their own page, taking credit for them.

I don't like DRAMA.
(All theater/liberal arts excluded. THAT is drama I can get on board with!)

I had tried the lovely facebook features such as blocking a person or hiding them from my newsfeed. I restricted others from my posts, photo albums and the like.

In the end, why was I jumping through these hoops? If I was "friends" with people who I'm essentially hiding from, why keep them at all?

Blocking seemed like the same kind of lie that I learned to loathe, so why not "un-friend" and then be honest about it if/when asked? Well, good or bad, that's what I decided to do.

First up was my mom. Yes. I un-friended my own mother.

Though she is an extremely active facebook user, she didn't notice for 8 weeks. By then, I lost my nerve and refused to tell her why because I knew it would hurt her feelings, however, I did stick to my guns. I didn't want to "block" her and pretend like I wasn't there. I refused to go into the details of my decision, but I did tell her that "its just better that way" and that I would't be changing my mind anytime soon.

Frankly, she's one of the worst people you can "friend" on facebook and by removing her, I'm happier and I honestly feel that our (already) troubled relationship will only benefit from the added space. You see, she did not raise my siblings and I. We'd go months without seeing her... then facebook comes along and we're now being portrayed as The Brady Bunch. I only wish I could be so groovy! Pictures were used and abused, false claims were made, judgements passed down... When she posted a 20-year-old photo of my ex-boyfriend and exclaimed how much she missed her "other son". I lost it. My husband (of 16 years) was much more gracious than I was, but after an hour of steam coming out of my ears, I clicked "un-friend" and I haven't looked back since.

I don't want to hurt her, but I'm refusing to be hurt by her. Social media is not worth our relationship and the future I want to build with her.

I know she's disappointed and maybe even mad at me, but one day I hope she'll understand that there was life before social media and there can be life without it.

To my brother, who likes to insult my faith and spout random (often unsubstantiated) political memes, I'll continue to keep him off my news feed and just "visit" him occasionally since he lives out of state. That's what works for him and I. To the DRAMA-filled "friends" of mine, you may be removed if it becomes unbearable. If that ends our relationship, I'm truly sorry, but perhaps there wasn't much of a relationship to begin with.

To those of you who openly insult my faith and mock certain types of spirituality, I'll continue to pray for you. I know how much you love that! ;)

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

It's Not His Last Name!

We say a simple prayer of Grace during meal times with our kids.

"Thank you, God, for this food. In Jesus' name, Amen."

A few days ago, G got flustered and mumbled something under her breath.

Hubby asked, "What did you say?"
G: "I said I don't know why we say that. Amen is NOT his last name!"

(In Jesus' name Amen)

We laughed a long time over that one! Oh, the mind of a 4 year-old!

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

So Many Thanks to Give

It's important to remember that giving thanks, even for the "bad" is a good thing to do.

The cliche' is all true... "there is always something worse." There is always, always someone struggling beyond any hurt you've ever endured. When I feel down about the sniffles, I remember my friend's teenage nephew fighting for his life in a war against brain cancer.

When I'm tired after work and going home to cranky children, I think of how empty my home would feel if I were facing the death of a child.

When I get down about my miscarriages, I think about my friend who just lost her baby at 20 weeks and had to endure extensive labor and delivery to welcome the son who would never cry, nor smile at her.

When I get angry with my mom for the neglect, my dad for the abuse, I must think of the atrocities of other children. I must be thankful it wasn't worse, Thankful for those who did care for me.

I'm not feeling blue or want to bring anyone else down. Just remember, always, that "it could always be worse" and even in the bad, we can learn to recognize the good.

Remember to pray. Pray for humanity. Pray for love to grow and flourish. Pray for forgiveness and in everything, give thanks.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

In Rememberance: October 15th Wave of Light

I am a miscarriage survivor.

Most people know that I'm blessed with two beautiful, intelligent children. Almost no one knows that I'm also blessed to have five angel babies who've also touched my heart in immeasurable ways.

Ariel: My little mystery. No matter what the answer, you are true to me and always will be.

Samuel: My first little everything. I carried you for 13w 1d and we were changed forever. Sometimes I still think you're here, as I continue to feel your presence around us. Your blanket is the one thing I have to hold, but you hold my heart.

Zipporah Leah: My little bird, so swift to fly away. 

Malachi: Our first born's twin, her built-in guardian angel. I often wonder what two of you would have been like.

Gabriel: Just a little while before your brother. I think you came to prepare me for his arrival. You're his angel as well as mine.

My heart grieves for you all, yet rejoices in your memory. You're all loved beyond measure and your memories will live as long as I do.

Monday, September 29, 2014

Friendless & Lonely

I normally work very hard to keep this blog as up-beat as possible, but I feel myself being weighed down and this is the only outlet I have.

I am overwhelmingly lonely.

My husband is a friend, but that's not enough. I feel like I burden him at times when he has to hear everything, all the time. I need a girl friend.

I'm somewhat introverted, which adds a level of difficulty. The women I meet and gravitate to, seem to be childless, have vastly different lifestyles (heavy drinker), or want to get together almost constantly, which makes me uncomfortable and is hard for me to manage.

My closest friend is very similar to me except for two very important key issues.
1. She is 18 years older and has a daughter my age. I believe because of this, she pulls back and feels awkward/embarrassed of our friendship (me?). Even though I know it's nothing that can be helped and it's her issue... well, I guess that means our friendship isn't important enough to her. It hurts.

2. She's a Rx pill addict. This isn't something that's discussed and she's very private about it, but in knowing her for 5+ years, it's obvious to me. Last week, she blamed me for taking muscle relaxers and freaking out. The truth of the situation is that I saw her developing an issue with her boss and I attempted to protect her. Yet, I was her excuse for taking pills. I know it wasn't my fault, but again, that hurt me severely. She gets pills from well-meaning co-workers, neighbors, etc., who are trying to help her with her "pain." We're slowly growing apart, but as a co-worker I don't see how a clean break can take place.

The hard part for me is that I don't want our friendship to end. She's all I've got, but she's becoming abusive and I can't stand for that. She challenges me and seems to expect the worst in me, when I've done my absolute best to be a good friend to her. She has a good heart, but being manipulated is the cost of being her friend, and unfortunately, it's becoming clear to me that it's a toxic relationship.

I want to find friends that have children, so I have someone to relate to, and vice versa. I want this for my children as much as me. I'd love to start attending church, where I think I could find some good friends, but I can't get my husband on board. He... that's another post.

I need to build up the courage to do for myself and our kids. Pray for me, that hasn't happened yet, but I can't keep waiting for other people to do what I believe is right. I have to be the one to make the tough decisions. God, please help and guide me.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

September 11, 2001: 13 Years Past

God help us to remember the loved ones lost. 
God help us to forgive those who trespass against us.

In Jesus' name,