Tuesday, November 11, 2014

It's Not His Last Name!

We say a simple prayer of Grace during meal times with our kids.

"Thank you, God, for this food. In Jesus' name, Amen."

A few days ago, G got flustered and mumbled something under her breath.

Hubby asked, "What did you say?"
G: "I said I don't know why we say that. Amen is NOT his last name!"

(In Jesus' name Amen)

We laughed a long time over that one! Oh, the mind of a 4 year-old!

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

So Many Thanks to Give

It's important to remember that giving thanks, even for the "bad" is a good thing to do.

The cliche' is all true... "there is always something worse." There is always, always someone struggling beyond any hurt you've ever endured. When I feel down about the sniffles, I remember my friend's teenage nephew fighting for his life in a war against brain cancer.

When I'm tired after work and going home to cranky children, I think of how empty my home would feel if I were facing the death of a child.

When I get down about my miscarriages, I think about my friend who just lost her baby at 20 weeks and had to endure extensive labor and delivery to welcome the son who would never cry, nor smile at her.

When I get angry with my mom for the neglect, my dad for the abuse, I must think of the atrocities of other children. I must be thankful it wasn't worse, Thankful for those who did care for me.

I'm not feeling blue or want to bring anyone else down. Just remember, always, that "it could always be worse" and even in the bad, we can learn to recognize the good.

Remember to pray. Pray for humanity. Pray for love to grow and flourish. Pray for forgiveness and in everything, give thanks.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

In Rememberance: October 15th Wave of Light

I am a miscarriage survivor.

Most people know that I'm blessed with two beautiful, intelligent children. Almost no one knows that I'm also blessed to have five angel babies who've also touched my heart in immeasurable ways.

Ariel: My little mystery. No matter what the answer, you are true to me and always will be.

Samuel: My first little everything. I carried you for 13w 1d and we were changed forever. Sometimes I still think you're here, as I continue to feel your presence around us. Your blanket is the one thing I have to hold, but you hold my heart.

Zipporah Leah: My little bird, so swift to fly away. 

Malachi: Our first born's twin, her built-in guardian angel. I often wonder what two of you would have been like.

Gabriel: Just a little while before your brother. I think you came to prepare me for his arrival. You're his angel as well as mine.

My heart grieves for you all, yet rejoices in your memory. You're all loved beyond measure and your memories will live as long as I do.

Monday, September 29, 2014

Friendless & Lonely

I normally work very hard to keep this blog as up-beat as possible, but I feel myself being weighed down and this is the only outlet I have.

I am overwhelmingly lonely.

My husband is a friend, but that's not enough. I feel like I burden him at times when he has to hear everything, all the time. I need a girl friend.

I'm somewhat introverted, which adds a level of difficulty. The women I meet and gravitate to, seem to be childless, have vastly different lifestyles (heavy drinker), or want to get together almost constantly, which makes me uncomfortable and is hard for me to manage.

My closest friend is very similar to me except for two very important key issues.
1. She is 18 years older and has a daughter my age. I believe because of this, she pulls back and feels awkward/embarrassed of our friendship (me?). Even though I know it's nothing that can be helped and it's her issue... well, I guess that means our friendship isn't important enough to her. It hurts.

2. She's a Rx pill addict. This isn't something that's discussed and she's very private about it, but in knowing her for 5+ years, it's obvious to me. Last week, she blamed me for taking muscle relaxers and freaking out. The truth of the situation is that I saw her developing an issue with her boss and I attempted to protect her. Yet, I was her excuse for taking pills. I know it wasn't my fault, but again, that hurt me severely. She gets pills from well-meaning co-workers, neighbors, etc., who are trying to help her with her "pain." We're slowly growing apart, but as a co-worker I don't see how a clean break can take place.

The hard part for me is that I don't want our friendship to end. She's all I've got, but she's becoming abusive and I can't stand for that. She challenges me and seems to expect the worst in me, when I've done my absolute best to be a good friend to her. She has a good heart, but being manipulated is the cost of being her friend, and unfortunately, it's becoming clear to me that it's a toxic relationship.

I want to find friends that have children, so I have someone to relate to, and vice versa. I want this for my children as much as me. I'd love to start attending church, where I think I could find some good friends, but I can't get my husband on board. He... that's another post.

I need to build up the courage to do for myself and our kids. Pray for me, that hasn't happened yet, but I can't keep waiting for other people to do what I believe is right. I have to be the one to make the tough decisions. God, please help and guide me.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

September 11, 2001: 13 Years Past

God help us to remember the loved ones lost. 
God help us to forgive those who trespass against us.

In Jesus' name, 

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

September Awareness

September is Ovarian Cancer Awareness. In honor of fighters and survivors, please share this with someone you know.

#tealtoheal #tealtoes #tealtuesdays

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Kindergarten: One step closer

We went to the school's Open House last night and roamed the halls! She saw her "desk" (table for four), cubby, birthday sign and the rest of the class. Mrs. Sorter seems very nice and ... let's say... VIBRANT. She is full of energy, that's for sure! I have no doubt that will endear her to the class and help her stay on top of a bunch of Kindergartners.

Our girl will be the youngest in the class, but I expected as much. The next youngest (boy) has a birthday 3 weeks before hers. I sure hope we're making the right decision by sending her when she won't be 5 until November, but the teachers have all assured us that she's ready. She's doing addition and subtraction, writing her full name and now her little brother's! She knows all of her letters and  numbers by sight, and counts to 56 without stopping or making a mistake. To hold her back another year seems wrong when she's already doing so much and begging us to go to class and ride the bus. She seems a bit nervous now, but once she gets through the first week and the new routine, she'll be fine. This is our last weekend of freedom! I can't believe we'll be starting a 17-year journey of school now (including a few years from now when Bubs starts).

Just think: She was born 7+ weeks early and is starting Kindergarten 85 days before her 5th birthday. Maybe at this rate, she'll have her Master's by age 17. ;)

Look at the pictures my little wonder drew two days ago:

"This is me walking M & L"

"This is Ariel and my seahorse and my seal pillow pet"

We're so proud of our little artist! <3